The Letter I'm About to Write

As many of you know, the job search is frustratingly difficult. Even in good economic times New Testament professors are not in high demand (over 100 applicants for a single post is typical), but when the economy goes south, the opportunities become that much more constrained. So far we've had some near misses, but no direct hits yet. We're not throwing up our hands yet, and we still have some possibilities out there, but in the meantime, I ran across this letter that I'm saving for the perfect time. I'll just have to change the names and places:

Herbert A. Millington

Chair - Search Committee

412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University

College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I 

regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to 

offer me an assistant professor position in your department. 

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually

large number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field

of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. 

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in

rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at

this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor

in your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,

Chris L. Jensen